Toni Stone
401 Buck Hollow Road
Fairfax, VT 05454
august 19, 2009
holding onto hardness
i see some people who are subscribed to a belief, that they have had, and are having a hard
time..they describe it in great detail. they pride themselves on being able to have a life at
all…given that it’s so difficult to stay alive and persist. holding on to the hardness is their
habit. describing the details of it is their perverse pleasure. they wear the pain as a badge.
one lady i have known for so many years has described her plight:
“my Mother died when i was only two…then my Dad was ill,
and i had to leave high school to take care of him.”
she would chant these mantras of sadness whenever she could,
to prove how life had dealt a bad deal to her.
she suffered from her unwillingness to recompose the perception of her past.
more unsavory unfair circumstances flocked her way as life progressed. she attracted them.
another man suffers from not having a home of his own…
at the drop of a hat he will reiterate all the reasons why it is impossible.
he gets to have that which he defends…his right to stay poor has taken on a life of it’s own.
he couldn’t live without it. he puts two olives in a ziplock baggy and saves them in the
refrigerator for another day. that’s how poor his mind reminds him that he is.
every time i left my living situation for another house or apartment, i doubled what i had to
pay every month. every time i did it, i would shake in my boots and wonder however would
i pay double when i could hardly pay what i already had,
but each time i increased my tithe, my prayer time,
my prosperity practice time, and re-invented my stronger intention, it worked.
i was willing to cause that kind of discomfort to myself, in order to cause an upgrade.
when i purchased my first house, i couldn’t sleep the night before i was so frightened.
i have never missed a mortgage payment.
i gave up the past limit and attained a greater good…
i was ready to receive by being ready to give more.
