toni stone
401 buck hollow rd.
fairfax, VT 05454 january 30, 2002
THAW
satisfaction is first a mental decision, feelings follow. well, it really is very true.
yesterday the sun was glaring, glowing, clamoring bright over thesinking snow.
the piles of white were revealingdirt brown and simmering. it felt like spring. even though iknew it was january thaw
it felt like the kiss of early spring, like a taste, like an hor’ duerve. I said,”I am getting out of here honey”
talking to my cat. I said,”set me free”.
i said, “I’m gone bye bye for the day.”
i even put on an amber necklace and got in the jeep
boots and all singing down the driveway. i saw more dirt. halleluia dirt!
i decided to be IN SPRING, to enter the tease
to act like spring to be grateful for winter thaw, first thaw…
but, when i lived in the city things like this didn’t register even tho they happened you don’t really pay attention.
what the hell is a thaw.
its either snow or not, winter or spring.
in the rural lands you lovethaw, you live for thaw,
first thaw
second thaw
long thaw, short thaw
mid thaw, final thaw
whatever.
i rolled windows down even though
i kept the heat on. i put on the radio.
i sang and danced as i drove hey, i decided to be happy just
for the sun, the warmth, the thaw. i didn’t talk myself out of it. i decided.
i decided to be satisfied with the great
dirt colored thaw and to ride around in it like a cowgirl all day.
black boots, black jeep,
black wool vest but a grassy green italian wool scarf
the color of spring, the color after the thaw even.
i decided to be satisfied and i was. i asked my husband to meet me for lunch.
he said, “oh i can’t
¡ really can’t instead of hanging up,
i said, “why can’t you? it seems to me you really could if you wanted to… i know you could…”
i told him i would drive down across from his office.
i told him i would make a time that worked for him.
i told him i would treat him to the best lunch he ever had. he got enrolled. i was already satisfied before i started.
i decided i was satisfied whether he came to lunch or not…
if he said no i would find someone else,
it was just that kind of day…a satisfied already day. the feelings were high.
everywhere I went ALREADY SATISFIED,
i found more to be satisfied and thrilled about.
right next door tothe italian restaurant was a pet shop
having a cat litter sale. wow. we bought 2 forty Ib. bags what a deal!
then, as i was driving past the craft shop i stopped in
and found more to be satisfied about, red baskets on sale
for 90% off… i never heard of a basket being sold for 90% off
but these kinds of things coalesce when SATISFACTION IS GOING ON…
it attracts way more to be glad about. i found the ribbon i needed,
i found cantalopes for one dollar each at the supermarket
and someone sent me a long e-mail praising many many things about me.
she even said i had more plants than anyone she knew
and that i was the best teacher.
it was really A HIGH OLD DAY and
it started with my declaration of being satisfied as a starter.
the sun shone all day. i gave someone who needed it, a fifty dollar bill
i treated four more people to lunch mysteriously
asking the waiters for their bill.
they were satisfied so it extended out
beyond, in ripples everywhere i went.
then i got back to my desk
i even cleaned out my overflowing rolodex, and threw out the people
i no longer wanted to hear from… that was satisfying too.
